


I Regret You

by Kira_Dattei



Series: Developing Relationship Kinktober 2018 [22]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AO3 FB Challenge, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arguing, Developing Relationship, FBI Intern Stiles Stilinski, Human Stiles Stilinski, M/M, Werewolf Derek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 04:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16381394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kira_Dattei/pseuds/Kira_Dattei
Summary: Stiles is reaching the end of his internship and that means that he and Derek have to decide what to do next.





	I Regret You

**Author's Note:**

> Day 22 of Developing Relationship Kinktober is here.  
> This one was a toughy. Thank you for reading, especially if you are a returning reader. It is greatly appreciated.  
> Hope you enjoy.

Stiles could be so frustrating once he got going, once he found something to dig his heels in about. Derek had noticed this in the early days of them dating, but it had been a while since they’d disagreed about something like they were now so he’d sort of forgotten.

“I’ve only got about six weeks left on my internship,” had been the line that started things going south between them.

He hadn’t thought much about it at the start, replying with, “You decide where you’re going to be working once you finish?”

He’d just barely picked up on the shift in Stiles’ scent, looking his way before Stiles turned toward the counter and was suddenly a bit more invested in the pasta sauce he was making for dinner. “Yeah, I’ve got an idea,” he said and Derek wondered why he smelled and sounded nervous.

“Staying here in DC, then?” he prompted when Stiles didn’t seem like he was going to elaborate on his own.

“Not exactly. I wanted to talk to you about it, actually. That’s sort of why I brought up finishing off my internship because I’ll be switching over to my permanent position pretty much right away and wanted to figure out what you wanted to do before it got to that point.” Nervous rambling now, so Derek walked over and leaned his back against the counter right beside Stiles, standing close since that sometimes helped Stiles relax a bit. If nothing else, it acted as a distraction from his anxiety, so while he would ramble a bit more, it meant he didn’t close off.

It was a fair trade, in Derek’s opinion, since he was plenty used to Stiles talking.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Derek continued, watching Stiles’ expressions shift even as he avoided looking at Derek.

“When I applied for the internship, I only took it because there was no time requirement for staying over here after it was finished. I could apply at any FBI office and the field I was going into meant I was likely to get hired anywhere I put in for. And I put in my applications for offices to work at when I first started my internship so I hadn’t even met you yet. And after I met you and we started going out, I only had high hopes that we’d still be together like this when I got close to finishing and thinking about when I’d be leaving.”

Derek wasn’t too thrilled to hear that Stiles had expressed doubt in their relationship, especially since he had been the one of them that had always seemed confident in them going out. Because Derek wanted Stiles so much but still had those times where he was afraid that he wasn’t worthwhile for Stiles to be with.

“That makes sense. You needed to be ready for when you finished and nobody expects to meet someone to date,” Derek said, trying to give Stiles feedback that would help him stay focused, something he’d gotten gradually better about over the past few months they were together.

“Right, well, when we started going out I thought about if I wanted to stay here, but then you talked about not really being attached to sticking around here and I wasn’t sure what to do. I have a few more weeks to decide if I want to put in an application anywhere else and not have a gap between the internship finishing and going to work. But I didn’t really want to put in my application in anywhere else and I’ve already started the hiring process.”

Derek reached out and took hold of Stiles’ wrist to stop him from his nervous stirring of the sauce, turning to shut off the stove before tugging Stiles to stand more in front of him. “Stiles, what are you saying?” he asked, going for a closed question.

“I’m going back home after I finish my internship. Heading back to California. Gonna be working out of the San Francisco office so I can be close to home. Close to Dad and Scott.”

Derek had been avoiding California for the past decade. He’d been letting all the shit that had happened back there stay there where they couldn’t touch him. Sure, he wasn’t talking about going back home – there was plenty of land between where he'd grown up and where Stiles lived – but anything positive from his past that happened on that side of the country had to go through a lot of crap to be remembered.

He felt himself close down a bit, no matter how much he tried not to.

“I’m not surprised. Whenever you’ve talked about home, it seemed like you were looking forward to going back. I guess I sort of figured you’d be returning after your internship,” he said, holding back a wince at how neutral he sounded. He really needed this to not be a time where he went back to old anti-social habits, not with Stiles. And he’d been doing so good about that not being the case when he was talking to his boyfriend, his partner.

And Stiles smelled of disappointment.

“Can you not be a dick about this?” he said, already sounding frustrated. “I’m already feeling like shit about it and that’s not helping.”

“I’m not. This was something you’d worked out before we met so I’m not upset that it’s something you’d already decided.”

“You’re missing the point. Sure, we hadn’t met yet but we have now and so we really should work it out together don’t you think?”

“It’s your choice.”

“But what about us? It’s not just a ‘me’ anymore that has to decide.”

Derek let go of Stiles’ wrist and crossed his arms. Stiles took a second and then mirrored the action, his finger tapping on his arm in a show of his usual inability to keep still. He took a step back, away from Derek, and started shifting his weight from one leg to another, all nervous energy now.

“This is about you not wanting to go back to California, isn’t it? Because of what happened?” Stiles asked him in a calm tone, soothing, inviting.

This is what Stiles was capable of when he needed to be: he could focus in and exhibit the emotions in order to be a good friend or partner. He’d seen him do the same thing with Scott and Lydia at times over the course of their relationship and did feel a little calmer for being on the receiving end. Especially since his scent matched his outward calm. It wasn’t just an act, but Stiles’ ability to be genuinely calm if it’s what would help.

“It’s not about me, Stiles. This is about your future and your choice of where you want to pursue your career.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Derek. It stopped being about me and you a long time ago.” He paused and the calm demeanor faded and he looked quite a bit angrier. “Unless you think it’s still just about you doing shit and me doing shit and every once in a while it lines up? Do you get how screwed up that is? In case you need an assist on the answer: it’s really screwed up. Maybe try phoning in a friend or going to the audience before making that your final answer.”

“That’s not what I mean, Stiles and you shouldn’t even have to ask,” Derek was irritated at the insinuation that he didn’t think much of their relationship. But the fact of the matter was that both of them had been making decisions for themselves, some quite long-term ones, before they had met and them being together now didn’t automatically negate those decisions they’d already committed to. And just because Stiles was with Derek now didn’t mean that he should _not_ return to California and be with his friends and family.

But Derek still had a lot of things that was keeping him from being able to drop everything here and face up to going back. Things he couldn’t wrap up in the span of six weeks.

At least, that’s what he was telling himself at the moment to make this easier to discuss with Stiles.

“Then tell me what you want to happen with me finishing up my internship and going home to California.”

Stiles was demanding an answer from him, an answer he wasn’t so sure he was ready to give. He cared about Stiles, deeply. He wanted to be with him for as long as he was welcome. But how much he cared about Stiles wasn’t enough to get past how much he didn’t want to be back in California. Being with someone didn’t just make all that go away; made the day-to-day easier, yes, but didn’t make the pain stop.

But Stiles was digging in his heels on this, remaining silent and even holding his body still as he waited for Derek to answer. He wouldn’t let him get out of answering this.

“Now would be a good time to stop using your eyebrows for a majority of your communication. I require spoken words for your answer,” Stiles said, obviously having to restrain himself for that to be all he said and did.

“It’s not that easy, Stiles,” he said, knowing it was about the most pathetic thing he could have said.

“We’ll call that your ‘phone a friend’. Try again or you’re out of lifelines. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.”

Derek risked looking at Stiles and almost dropped his eyes again seeing how many emotions Stiles was struggling to restrain. It was no wonder he was getting so short with him about this. It took a bit to get Stiles genuinely angry like he was now and Derek hated that it was his fault.

Derek took in a deep breath as he ran his hand through his hair. He needed to get his shit together or this wouldn’t end well.

“I want you to do what is best for you. I want you to be happy with the life that you choose,” he said honestly. He wanted the absolute best for Stiles, even if that meant he wasn’t involved. He wanted to be there, sure, but life tended not to work out for him like that.

How many times had he thought what he had was going to be for real and it turned out only being another thing to add to the list of shit that went wrong for him? Just because Stiles had turned out to genuinely be one of the best people Derek had ever met didn’t mean that things couldn’t go wrong.

And this was apparently where it went wrong: a future together.

“Yeah, well what if I choose for you to be a part of it?” Stiles shot back.

“I want that to be the case. I really care about you, Stiles; you know that.”

“Yeah, just not enough to buck up and admit you have issues that you need to work out. You know, it’s not like going back to California means more bad shit is gonna happen. I mean, sure, nothing’s ever perfect, but you’re refusing to go anywhere near where bad shit happened _years_ ago. And you’ve told me that everyone responsible is dead anyway, so what the hell is the problem?”

Derek had to work hard to not flash his eyes at that.

“It’s none of your business,” he said instead.

And then regretted it when there was a flash of pain in Stiles’ expression and scent. He didn’t want Stiles hurt because of this, because of him.

“Really? That’s the approach you’re going with? You don’t want to talk about it, so it’s none of my business.” Stiles turned away, raking his fingers roughly through his hair, then dragging them back forward over his face as he turned and walked away, then started pacing between the living room and the kitchen. Derek let him, silently watching him because he simply didn’t know what to say.

He wasn’t ready to have all that had happened to him, the loss of his home and family, to be so near to him again. He might never be.

But he really didn’t want to lose Stiles either. And he wouldn’t ask Stiles to stay here in a place he didn’t care about; the only part of where he lived now that mattered to him was that it wasn’t _there_.

“Stiles, I really…” he began but cut himself off when Stiles rounded on him, the expression on his face making Derek go silent.

“You know what, I thought when you told me about the fire, about what happened to your family, that it meant you were ready to at least try and move on. And do you have any idea how awesome it felt that you trusted me with that? I thought maybe it meant what we had was something that was gonna last.” He gave a self-depreciating laugh that hurt Derek to hear. “Me? Actually help someone? I guess I should have known better. I just wish you would’ve told me sooner I was wasting my time thinking that. It would have made me telling you I’m leaving a lot easier.”

“Stiles, stop it,” he couldn’t help but say to him in a demanding tone; he hated when Stiles tried to destroy himself like this.

“No, you don’t get to say that. I can say whatever the hell I want because apparently _we’re_ not important enough to keep going even if it’s hard. So, I’m just going to make the executive decision for myself here.” Stiles turned toward the living room, grabbing his hoodie off the back of the couch where he’d tossed it when he walked in just over an hour ago, and then went for the door.

Derek panicked and hurried after him, actually knocking his hip on the counter when he cut a corner too short in his rush to get in front of Stiles. “Stiles, where are you going?” he called after him.

Stiles had reached the door and was shoving his feet into his shoes hurriedly. “I’m going home. Where’d you think I’d be going? And in six weeks I’m going back to California because that’s where almost everything I love is. And, unless you decide to pull your head out of your ass and grow the hell up so we can talk like consenting adults, then have a good life. Thanks for the regrets if that’s how it turns out.”

Derek froze a few feet away from Stiles, not believing what he’d just heard. He thought Stiles would keep pushing him, keep making him face up to the hard decisions. It was something he loved about Stiles: the guy made him want to be better so without even trying, Stiles made him better. But he didn’t get better if Stiles didn’t give him the chance to get past the years of keeping himself closed off.

And now, Stiles was giving up on him.

Stiles turned toward him one last time, giving him a long look before he let out a weary sigh and unlocked the door before stepping out and closing the door behind him, not saying anything else.

That was it. Derek had found Stiles’ limit, something he hadn’t even thought about trying to do. Sure, he wondered how long it would be before Stiles stopped giving him leeway but he hadn’t wanted to find it. He’d wanted to never be beyond Stiles’ tolerance and patience – because Stiles only seemed capable of patience in a limited number of subjects and he was luckily one of them – so that he could stay with him.

But now…

Stiles would regret being with him. That’s what he’d said, wasn’t it? He would move away, move on with his life, and move on from Derek.

And there was nothing Derek could do about it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you again for reading. No part of this fic came easily to write, no matter how much I know what I'm doing with it. This is sort of a part 1 of 2 and the other part is being posted under another prompt for the month.  
> Hope you enjoyed.


End file.
